I bought into everything we've been taught about leadership for 15 years. And it didn't work!
We've been teaching the same approach to leadership for decades. Yet employee engagement is at an all-time low. People are quitting left and right.
I lived this failure. People in my own organizations were compliant, not excited. I had turnover. I got frustrated wondering why.
Then I had what I call my mountain moment.
I spent two days in the Arizona desert by myself. Nothing but time to think.
Before dawn, I was staring at a mountain. Watching the sun rise and shine on it. That's when I saw three people in their later years having a blast. They didn't want anything FROM each other. They wanted the best FOR each other.
It hit me. That's what was missing from every workplace. We manipulate people to get what we need for the business. They figure it out and do the minimum.
For versus from. That became my focus. I spent the next decade figuring out how this actually works.
The first thing I changed? I stopped solving problems for people. Started teaching them to solve their own problems.
Most leaders think knowing everything and fixing everyone's problems is their job. It's not. You're just creating dependence.
If you're solving problems for your team all day, you're not leading. You're looking for importance.
My first attempt failed. I asked people "What do you think?" They got frustrated! They came to me because they couldn't think of the answer on their own.
That's when I created the Baker's Dozen Questions.
Instead of asking "What do you think?" I ask 13 specific questions. They teach people to solve the issue themselves.
What's working? What's not working? What do you want out of the situation? What have you tried? What were your results? Why do you feel those were the results?
Now people come prepared with answers to those questions. First, they solve more issues on their own. When they do need help, they've already thought it through.
No more problem dumping. They analyze first.
Looking back at those 15 years, I lost relationships. Lost sustainable results.
People realized I was manipulating them to get what I needed for the business. They did the minimum and left. I had little interest in their personal success.
Here's the thing about servant leadership. It got taken out of context in training. We shouldn't be removing obstacles all day. We should be teaching others to deal with them.
True leadership comes from who you are and how you develop others. Not your title.
When you guide people to find their own solutions, they start thinking ahead. They use your framework before they even come to you. They get more capable, not more dependent.
The shift from manipulation to influence changes everything. You get real engagement, not just compliance.
That mountain moment taught me something simple. The best relationships happen when people want the best FOR each other, not FROM each other.
Stop solving problems for your team. Start teaching them to solve problems themselves.
The questions you ask decide if you build dependence or independence. Choose independence.
